The Calculation
by AlcesRedivivus
Summary: "It counted up our pieces, and divided them up even, and it called our calculation perfect love." T for now.


Alright, so. This is one of the few stories I have in my little book of plots and what not. I can not wait to see where this one goes.

**Summary:** Sometimes, things make sense when they really don't at all. This is one of those times.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own anyone in this story.

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><p>"Are you watching <em>A Cinderella Story<em>?"

"This movie is fantastic."

"Of all the years I've known you, I never pegged you as one of those guys."

"You know what, Logan?"

"Yes, Kendall?"

A circular and very purple pillow flew through the air, hitting Logan right between the legs, resulting in his ever graceful fall to the carpeted floor of the duplex.

Logan spluttered, clutching the crotch of his jeans and groaning in pain as he rolled onto his side. Kendall, on the other hand, was smirking. And soaking up the satisfaction of _finally_ hitting Logan where it hurts and, for once, not missing.

"That," Kendall stood, "was a long awaited punishment for always being a smart ass." He made his way to the kitchen.

Kendall Knight didn't play. Kendall Knight was a serious mother fucker.

Most of the time.

And he most definitely didn't fuck mothers, so that wasn't true.

That's just gross.

"Kendall," Logan groaned from the living room floor. Kendall ignored him, opening the refrigerator and pulling out a large bowl filled with batter. He sat the bowl on the counter and stared at the open book in front of him, flour sprinkled on the page from earlier events. He nodded to himself and paused.

"I can't do this shit," he mumbled. He walked back into the living room, ignoring Logan's groans of pain, and picked up the house phone from the coffee table.

And then he invited Carlos over to bake cookies.

This was a regular Sunday afternoon for the boys.

Carlos lived about ten minutes away from Kendall and Logan, who decided to rent a duplex together after Big Time Rush ended and they moved back to Minnesota. It was Carlos' idea to move back, and Kendall couldn't have agreed more. As much as he loved L.A.'s sunshine- Minnesota was home.

When they first came back three years ago, they were fresh out of their Senior year of the Palm Wood's school. Logan's parents had started traveling the world three months before and Carlos' dad was sick and in the hospital with god-knows-what, that man was always sick. Carlos had accepted the fact that he was soon going to pass. In fact, he and his dad often joked about his death when he'd visit.

So Mrs. Knight, being the Mama Duck that she was, invited both boys to stay with her, Kendall and Katie at their house.

James' parents never left. They weren't sick. They were still there. In Minnesota. That didn't stop James from staying over at the Knight's house practically every night, though. He was eighteen. He could do whatever he pleased.

Six months later had the boys finally searching for their own place to live- together, of course. When James got an unexpected call from an acting agent he didn't remember, but apparently remembered him. He'd been told that there was a lead role in an upcoming movie, looking for a male his age and of his description and the agent_ insisted_ that he came to L.A. _immediately. "This is such a golden opportunity, Mr. Diamond. It's a once in a life time chance. You can't pass it up!"_

His friends assured him that it was fine- they understood. This was a, like the agent said, _once in a life time chance. _

James was on a plane to L.A. the next morning.

Logan was baking Carlos a cheer-up cake that afternoon.

Kendall was locked in his room, refusing to come out or talk to anyone.

They understood, though. James was Kendall's best friend. They'd never been separated before. Not in the 12 years they'd known each other.

Not that James was anymore thrilled about the idea of leaving his best friend behind either. If you asked him, he'd tell you about how the horrid plane ride there was. About how he let a few man tears slip but sucked it up, because Kendall didn't cry _ever_ and James certainly wouldn't cry if Kendall didn't cry.

Kendall wouldn't tell you about it even if you paid him in frosted mini-wheat's. That was his favorite breakfast cereal.

To say the least, James had gotten the part. It was a three movie deal (doesn't that sound familiar) and it was filming in Europe (again, familiar.)

Kendall thought the world was out to get him.

First, they take away his girlfriend and fly her to New Zealand. Then they take his best friend to Europe. Fuck movies and their bullshit, Kendall thought. That's all he had to say on that subject.

It'd been two and a half years since Carlos, Logan, or Kendall had seen James now. Not including Skype calls and Ustreams they did for fans which, despite the fact that Big Time Rush was over, were still very dedicated.

They all wanted to fly out and see James more than anything, but money was an issue. Even with the money they had from BTR. Most of that went to the duplex Logan and Kendall got and the apartment Carlos had with his newly acquired roommate that Logan and Kendall had yet to meet. Utilities and all that nonsense; groceries, toiletries, video games, Netfilx accounts, video games, food that wasn't necessary and would make them fat, video games, etc.

They tried to fly out and see him at the L.A. premieres, too. But the flights always either got canceled or delayed.

The world was definitely out to get him, Kendall thought.

Two and a half years since they'd seen James.

They had about a year to go until they could see him again. James had called the other day and informed them that they just started filming the third movie.

Kendall couldn't have been happier.

Sure, a year wasn't exactly close, but it was better than the past two years and six months. Anything was better.

The first six months were hell. Especially for Carlos and Logan, who had to put up with Kendall. At first they'd been.. surprised. At how well Kendall was handling it. After the first couple of days, Kendall had popped out of his room ready to start the new day. It was almost frightening how bubbly he was about… everything.

Carlos and Logan figured they'd give him about a week.

A week and two days later found Kendall on the floor of the bathroom, heart-wrenching sobs escaping his throat.

From there it didn't get any better. Kendall went straight back to how he was the first couple of days after James had left. Only he was ten times worse.

He wouldn't eat, he wouldn't sleep, he wouldn't smile, he wouldn't play COD, he wouldn't laugh, he wouldn't read, he wouldn't sing, he wouldn't dance, he wouldn't even go downstairs.

He only showered once a week.

Because Logan made him.

A month had passed since James had left and Kendall was still Kendall- moping around in his room and doing absolutely nothing.

Carlos' Dad had died that month, whatever sickness he had taking him away and to some place in the sky- Carlos didn't know, he wasn't religious. He'd been strangely okay with his Dad dying and when asked about it, he'd explain that he prepared for it a long time ago. With the money he inherited from his father and a little from Big Time Rush, he'd rented an expensive apartment in a very nice neighborhood.

Logan, Mrs. Night and Katie all helped him move in.

Kendall tried.

Mostly he just sat in the car.

A couple weeks after Carlos' move, Logan started thinking.

Katie was older now and it was quite obvious she wanted some more privacy. Mrs. Knight was already working three jobs, and even though Logan kept offering her BTR money she refused and insisted she was fine. He felt bad anyways.

So Logan, being Logan, fixed everything and found him and Kendall a decent sized duplex downtown. It was ten times more expensive than any other duplex would have been because, well, it was downtown. Logan hadn't told any of the guys yet, but he'd started taking some college classes and the duplex he'd rented was only twenty minutes away.

Needless to say Logan was pumped. And if Kendall didn't start to man up and move the fuck on, he'd definitely be having some words with him.

They'd moved in fine, Kendall actually participating in the moving. No one had pushed him to do much ever since James left and they really didn't want to. They knew how hard it must have been, and they didn't want to piss him off.

Three months later and Kendall hadn't changed. The only thing that changed was that he actually went downstairs. To eat. And watch depressing movies on Netflix.

He still didn't talk to anyone. The only person he did talk to was James, and that was through texting. When James had free time, that is. They'd yet to call each other. Kendall didn't know how he'd handle that.

He was happy for him, really. He was so fucking proud of James for finally pursuing his acting career like he'd always dreamed of. He was just- Kendall was being selfish. Which was rare for him, considering he was the super hero of his group of friends; always saving the day and putting other people before himself.

Now, though, he could care less. He missed his best friend. He needed his best friend. There. With him.

One month later and it'd been five since James had left. Logan was getting worried. He'd been doing some research for a while and all of the symptoms Kendall had were leading straight to severe depression.

He called Carlos right over.

They'd both dragged Kendall's ass out of his bed, down the steps, into the car, and out into the world. World being Panera. Something Kendall could never get enough of. Carlos started out with small talk as they waited for their orders. When his name was called and he left to go get everything, Logan jumped on Kendall and insisted that he tell him what was going on. Kendall had stared at Logan like he had three heads.

"What do you mean what's going on? I'm_ fine_, dude."

Logan was a little offended that Kendall thought that low of him. He wasn't dumb. He was far from it.

Carlos returned and sat right next to Kendall to make sure he didn't leave, because at that moment he looked like he was about to bolt out of the bakery. They'd eaten in silence, Carlos and Logan sharing small glances and Kendall eating without any indication as to what was going through his head.

Eventually, Logan snapped.

"Kendall I swear to fucking god if you do not speak and tell us what's going on I will _drag _you to the nearest volcano and hold you over it until. You. Do."

Kendall had blinked once, twice, three times and then cracked a smile. Logan was ridiculous.

"I just," he started. They were all tense until Kendall sighed and dropped his sandwich to his plate. "I just miss him, okay?" He spoke quietly.

Logan and Carlos both knitted their brow together, the dejected look on Kendall's face paining them both.

"We can try and see him, Kendall," Carlos suggested. Kendall nodded, not believing it.

In the long run, Kendall got back up on his feet. With the help of Logan and Carlos, his mom and Katie, and new friends he'd made that lived near them he did get over it. He and James did eventually call each other, they never stopped texting, and it just seemed like a really long vacation.

The first six months were rough, and the years to follow that were less so.

One more year to go and James would be back. That's all that mattered, in Kendall's mind. He still hadn't mentally prepared himself for it. He had a year to ago, he had time.

There was no doubt in his mind that when he finally saw James he'd freak the fuck out.

That's why when the doorbell rang on that boring Sunday afternoon, Kendall just about peed himself with excitement when he was greeted with shaggy brown hair and a pearly white smile.

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><p><strong>Review please and thank you? I read over this multiple times, but I do apologize if there are still mistakes. <strong>


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